ddrjtf

Not much to say really. Going to NY in a week. Meeting girls with issues. Buying condo (need a place to live?) Working on my play. Enjoying life. Getting voodoo curses put on me. Doing another radio show. Um.. I dunno, I dont talk about my personal life anymore cause its mine. yep.

if you are in ny ... it is 90.1 wusb or online at
http://wusb.fm/website/

3am-630am.... tune in if you can... or even try to call in!

RUN BUY IT NOW

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0595382320/sr=8-1/qid=1148860736/ref=sr_1_1/103-4834152-3687822?%5Fencoding=UTF8

Soon I say, soon. Ill be back where I came from. Raising a family, writing more books, and all that. I loved being in NY last week, going to coney island, seeing people I havnt seen in years, and it all just felt right. I cannot wait till I move back there. So all my florida plans got fucked up, so what. Shit happens. No use crying over spilt milk. Get some more I say.

that they used me...fucken stupid ignorant girls... haha but thats ok i got someone alot better....

Its time to start phasing out the worthless people in my life. The liars, those stupid little bastards that cannot even be honest with themselves, the crazy crazys fuck them

I cant believe I missed NY this much. why fight it, this is my home, its time to come back and finish writing my second book. Ive been in NY for like 3 days already And I dont want to leave, thats ok... Ill go back to florida get my divorce and my money and head back here. This have gone so well here, and its Fate I tell you FATE. I havnt been this happy and giddy in a long long time. My balance has come back, and I feel good about myself again. So I head back to FLA, do my depo in my accident case, get my divorce and then be done with all of that. Yep, now If i can just get jill to come up with me. Also Im taking my civil service test when I get back here. Yep.

a few words...

divorce
divorce
wedding
kids
12 years
love love happiness
NY

Heidi.


In time I will explain it allll

but right now

Im on such a high cloud I Cant even begin to think

well. It has been 1 year since the wedding. I miss you erika.

or anything cause no one fucken comments you assholes.

but today is a bad day for me


april 5th 2006... It would be my brothers 17 birthday.



R.I.P. Charles.


You are missed
and needed
and wanted



now just kill me already.

how much do i have to drink to die... arg

ugh my comp crashed.. anyway
last night i finally met sunnie.. we hung out at the bar had a few drinks went back to randy's apt.. and yeah..spent the next 3 hours talking and uh.. getting rid of stress. Finished alex's book. Now lets see if I ever see her again! eh if not Ill give it to staci. I am loving st pete. This is more of a home than west palm. No drama here.. most of my freinds are older. And they really are decent people. This is where I belong. So now I am looking for a condo over here to buy. I really wish I could start a family. I had a dream about jeni last night. Too private to post on here though. I got me a bottle and a dream. ON A DOWNTOWN TRAIN EVERY NIGHT ITS JUST THE SAME. I miss riding the subway at 2 am. Watching, just watching the bums talking to themselves. or the people who just couldnt sleep like me riding the train, for some peace.

but i dunno if i should tell someone about it. I dont want anyones feelings getting hurt.. but i just realized something about the way ive been feeling.. misplaced feelings for erika.. and shes the one i really wanted... i just tried to forget her.

I always liked red and black as colors together, but after today.. They do not look good in my toilet bowl :(. not good at all. started my book but my mind is so jumbled I just cant get it out right. yeah.. the diamond sea. WHERE DID ALL MY FREINDS GO

ok.. i had deleted someone.. but yet they are back.. i dont get it.. i dont remember putting them back on.. oh well... fate maybe.. something i did in a drunken haze? I have no idea.. fuck it.. ill just leave them on.. saved a freind last night whos comming down to see me now yay... i figure a nice week of drunken fun should be good for the soul with us, but right now her cell phone is out. nikita nikita nikita...not even 9 am and i can no longer sleep.. another day of a whole 3 hours, holy hell my foot hurts.! its almost been one year.. one year...and what a year it has been.


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hahahahaha
things are again so fucked
that i must laugh
must smile
keep my sanity
or insanity
whatever the doctors call it
must laugh
or let it
eat me from the inside
kill me from the inside
there is a hole
but i care not to fill it
cuz im going full speed waiting for the crash

my thoughts scatter like ashes blowing in the wind



well i love how every day goes by and she just proves how much she never cared at all.
stop
look
listen
the garbage truck
is
here
taking the trash
but why wont it take my mother?

but its getting there...


I have started my greatest work yet.. my memoirs. I got another recorder.. so I can get someone to help me.. see ill record it on tape.. and she will translate it and then i can go over it and peice it together. I need rid of all my demons.. maybe when im done with these Ill get over the fact that I wish i was dead.

DEAD MAN WALKING
version 2.0 of jason was a failure
1.0 is dead
3.0 is having problems


i wonder where i can get a meditation belt


oh damn... this is really good on discovery about meditation and suicide and all that.

oh well.. thats what i gotta say.. im tired of the lies and the games of west palm beach. Ive deleted some people because of their lies and games, and i deleted others because I got tired of reading entries, feeling like im punched in the stomach and puking. That second person im not mad at or anything, I just cant stand to look at it. I wont go into it at all. dont need to be accused of playing games.


i coulda done a lot worse than sit
in skid row drinking wine

to know that nothing matters after all
to know theres no real difference
between the rich and the poor
to know that eternity is neither drunk
nor sober, to know it young
and be a poet

coulda go intobusiness and ranted
and believe that god was concerned

instead i squatted in lonesome alleys
and nobody saw me, just my bottle
and what they saw of it was empty

and i did it in the cornfields & graveyards

to know that the dead dont make noise
to know that the cornstalks talk (among
one another with raspy old arms)

sitting in alleys diggin the neons
and watdching cathedral custodians
wring out their rags neath the church steps

sitting and drinkin wine
and in railyards being devine

to be a millionaire & yet to prefer
curlin up with a poorboy of tokay
in a warehouse door, facing long sunsets
on railroad fields of grass

to know that the sleepers in the river
are dreaming vain dreams, to squat
in the night and know it well

to be dark solitary eye-nerve watcher
of the world's whirling diamond

I hope i dont fall in love with you - tom waits

Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,
Well the music plays and you display
your heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear
you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well the room is crowded, there's people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well if you sit down with this old clown,
take that frown and break it,
Before the evening's gone away,
I think that we could make it,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

I can see that you are lonesome just like me,
and it being late, you'd like some some company,
Well I've had two, I look at you,
and you look back at me,
The guy you're with has up and split,
the chair next to you's free,
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.

Now it's closing time, the music's fading out
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout.
Turn around to look at you,
you're nowhere to be found,
I search the place for your lost face,
guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you.

Ill write it all out later.. but no time for love dr jones.




born 1978. in NYC
irish, german, italian. you know what they are all good for.

started writing when I was around 8 years old.. thats when my first poem got published.
been writing ever since.

when i was 16 I moved out of my parents house and got my own apartment.
at 17 I left NY for florida..(jax) got engaged.
broke up with her and moved with wie to ocala
took off with wie and nisa for NY.. They returned to florida I stayed on the streets
at 18 Lived in a tent in my freinds backyard, or in the parks.
left NY again for vegas
read fear and loathing on the plane, found my calling
leaving las vegas also changed my life (the movie and the book)

worked as a music journalist. a bartender, driver, inventory.

I lived in vegas in 97 98 and 01.. 3 times
the vegas years were a fun and interesting time. I miss vegas sometimes, its a second home to me, and dms is there.

sometimes i miss those times.

in 98 when i left vegas for the second time I moved to illinois.
met jeni.
she saved my life
in 01 she took herown
i failed
swore I wouldnt let anyone die on my watch again. not to suicide.

in 02 I moved to maine with jezzi
met some great people wrote alot
in 03 things ended with jezzi 01-03 RIP

moved home, was thinking of moving back to maine
moved to florida instead to be there for my brother
shortly after moving back
i got into a car accident
my brother died
my parents died
I spent 53days in a coma
never been the same since
I cannot die.
in 05 I married erika, my long time best freind.
we split up right after.
too many games
shattered my trust in everyone
been trying to find help but im slowly losing it.

getting a book published yay my first.

looking back on my life... its amazing...and Im looking forward to my next 28 years

god damn Im awesome

hail to the king baby.

Lost Cause Lyrics


Your sorry eyes; they cut through bone
They make it hard to leave you alone
Leave you here wearing your wounds
Waving your guns at somebody new

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

There's too many people you used to know
They see you coming they see you go
They know your secrets and you know theirs
This town is crazy; nobody cares

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

There's a place where you are going
You ain't never been before
No one left to watch your back now
No one standing at your door
That's what you thought love was for

Baby you're lost
Baby you're lost
Baby you're a lost cause

I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of fighting

Love Is A Burning Thing
And It Makes A Fiery Ring
Bound By Wild Desire
I Fell Into A Ring Of Fire

CHORUS:
I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

The Taste Of Love Is Sweet
When Hearts Like Ours Meet
I Fell For You Like A Child
Oh, But The Fire Went Wild

CHORUS
I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

I Fell Into A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Down, Down, Down
And The Flames Went Higher

And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

And It Burns, Burns, Burns

The Ring Of Fire

The Ring Of Fire